The choices you make

Nietzsche’s Eternal Return

Something which has always resonated with me is this quote by Milan Kundera:

There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison. We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself?

(The Unbearable Lightness of Being, 1984)

Each decision which lies in front of you is like a series of unopened doors, and there simply is no way of knowing what there is behind each one until you open one, until it is too late to go back: the difficulty of making a decision lies in the impossibility of knowing its outcomes. 

Moreover, if you have accepted the meaninglessness of the universe, have reconciled with the universe’s indifference, you realize that there is no real right answer, no right choice, thus making it even harder: there is nothing to rely on, no set of rules, no moral compass to guide you through life. This life is completely in your hands, and that’s exactly why it’s so difficult to decide how to live it.

In his Gay Science (1882), Friedrich Nietzsche poses an interesting question, inviting us to reflect upon our lives:

What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you:
“This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence – even this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you with it, speck of dust!”

Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus?… Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?

Nietzsche incites us to take a hard look at our lives, and very simply asks: if you found out you had to re-live your life in exactly the same way, over and over, what would you do?

Nietzsche presents a view of time as passing circularly: at the end of each cycle, everything starts over in exactly the same way, and in all subsequent reoccurrences, you — and everyone else — will lead the same exact life as you are now (and, perhaps, as you have done before). Everything you have done will return to you. My intent here is not to discuss the concept of time or its passing — I would argue that, either way, we have no real way of knowing, thus it doesn’t really matter: what matters is what we do.

There can be two ways of reacting to the idea of the “Eternal Return”. The first is to “throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus”; to despair when faced with the possibility of this endless repetition and the futility it entails (not to mention the fact that this may very well be one of the repetitions which we have lived before, meaning we have no real choice because it’s all written). The second is “to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal”; acceptance, in other words.

Choosing the first option would be a form of resignation: believing that the future is already set in stone means we have no reason to make any decisions at all, we become mere spectators as we watch our lives unfold before us, with no conscious or active role in it. In fact, there seems to be very little consolation to be found in such a universe: to think of yourself as endlessly and mechanically repeating the same life all over again is not a very comforting thought. It might immediately bring to mind all the worst things that happened to you, and why would anyone want to relive that?

The second option, on the other hand, means forcing ourselves to be the creators of our destinies, to take matters into our own hands and creating a life that we want to live over and over again. 

The idea of the Eternal Reoccurrences provides us with a possibility: if you were forced to repeat each and every one of your actions, and you were conscious of the fact that every little choice you make, down to the smallest detail, would become set in stone, and you would have to do it all over again in all future cycles of your life, what would you do? In other words, life — as most of us lead it — is mostly lived automatically, without a real choice on our part. We get up, shower, go to work, eat, sleep and repeat — endlessly — because that’s simply how things are. But if you had to do it all over again, would you? Would you not want some things to be different? Would you not think more carefully about each and every thing you do, once you consider the possibility of having to re-live all of this? The next time you sit on your bed, bored and with nothing to do, and have a decision to make, would you not consider the possibility that all future versions of yourself will be forced to mindlessly scroll through Instagram for hours just as you are? Would you not rather put your efforts into creating a life that you wouldn’t mind re-living again and again?

This is the key: how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?

Think about yourself now, and think about what you want, and who you want to become. Now you can see yourself working toward something, attempting to experience things that you would want to experience once more and “innumerable times more”. The Eternal Return is not a curse. It is an invitation to take matters into your own hands. It is an invitation to think about the things you hold on to, or the things which weigh you down. What are you to do with your burdens?
It is an invitation and a reminder to not let life slip by, to take action, take control. It is your life, you’re the one who has to live it, so live it well.

It is a reminder to create a life worth reliving.

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